Guldasta

Some movies are made for aliens. Partner is one such movie that leaves the competition (and you) gasping for breath. Touted as Govinda’s comeback vehicle, it made me wish Govinda never existed in the first place. And since I never missed his exit, I saw no point in being excited about his comeback.

Usually I choose which movie to watch. But sometimes, the movie chooses you. That is how it happened and I found myself huddled in a corner seat wondering how I ended up as audience to a movie I knew would be trash from the word go.

There is Govinda doing his silly act for the umpteenth time, jumping around like a jackass, making faces like a monkey and leaving you pulling your hair in desperation. He needs to woo some big-shot female (Katrina) who seems to be suffering from stunted mental growth. She is heading a big corporate and shows less sense than my housemaid. Helping Govinda is our resident maniac – Salman Khan. Like Govinda, he keeps dishing out the same stuff and expressions in movie after movie after movie. And people continue to enjoy the moronic contortions on his face as acting, movie after movie after movie. Both these ‘stars’ follow a familiar storyline in each movie. They will first act as brainless, then make some inevitable mistakes and then show the true love in their heart, finally winning the female lead in a rush of carbonated emotions. The female leads in this movie – Lara Dutta and Katrina Kaif contribute to the monkey parade with their silly histrionics.  Lara Dutta’s journalist act is as convincing as a zebra trying to pass as a peacock. Rajpal Yadav provides some comic relief in the first sequence but then even he starts getting on your nerves.

If the movie and the audience are to be believed, acting prowess is measured by the speed with which you can jiggle the muscles on your face and blurt sentences through your mouth. Before you can say help, there is some new nonsense being dished out. The trick is to so overwhelm you with stupidity that you never realise how stupid the movie is.

Characters are found breaking into a song and dance sequence of their own volition, much like a gang of baboons after they have had a drink too many. I forgot to check the credits but did this movie have a script writer and director in the first place?

And when will our movie makers learn to show some respect to the differently abled? For as long as I remember, they have been pulling cheap jokes on characters inflicted with stammering. And the latest craze is gay jokes. If the mark of a society’s evolution is its sensitivity towards others, Indian cinema gives the impression we are still in Stone Age.

Here is a mind bending sampler:
Salman’s sister is married to Sohail Khan who works with NASA. It seems after Shahrukh in Swades, the recruitment wing at NASA has thrown open their doors to Indians. And Salman’s nephew, true to his blood, has designed and developed a rocket at home. Never mind that it requires a certain knowledge of physics, if the director wants, it can be done. Right? And the rocket triggers when its developer say “go, baby, go”. If that has you tearing your hair out, the rocket gets fired and with a precision that would have the guys at NASA sit up, tracks Salman’s watervehicle and destroys it. And you dare not even think of the science of combustion, flight trajectories, coordinates etc. And yes, in case you did not know, keeping live rockets at home is within the law.

Have mercy on yourself. Stare at a wall if you have nothing better to do; but do NOT watch Partner.