life | Guldasta

Butterflies from Dad March 1, 2009

Filed under: family,Inspiration,life,love,Me — gurdas @ :

Dad opened an email account and sent me our first one-to-one electronic communication. I enquired and found out he has been (secretly) attending “Internet classes”.

When I saw that first email, I felt butterflies in my stomach. In that moment, I could feel the love of my father from thousands of miles away. Because only love can make a 70 year old, who has never used a keyboard in his life, to go learn email communication.

I may be more educated than my father, but in matters of Life, he is still my teacher.

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Not so lovely Chemistry February 28, 2009

Filed under: life,love — gurdas @ :

Ever so often you find someone equating chemistry (between individuals) as Love or reason to be in Love. Nothing could be further from the truth. To the contrary, this definition makes Love a small frivolous thing, which it is not. Love is the grand pillar which keeps mankind alive. Love is compassion, Love is effort, Love is an unconditional extension of your Self towards another, and Love is selfless. You need chemistry to make love in bed. And chemistry will get you exhilarating moments of happiness. But that is how far it will go. Chemistry will not, and never has, seen a couple beyond a few years. What you need for a lifetime of togetherness is Love.

When two people not just survive together, but thrive together, there is Love in action.

To get the point across, Love is the effort you make to improve someone’s life even when you do not necessarily find them attractive. In other words, those days and moments when your spouse stops being attractive, it is Love which will see you through the storm which could otherwise wreck and sink the marriage.

The whole attractive thing is so flimsy, it is foolish to base your most important decision (who to marry) on that criteria. And familiarity breeds contempt, unless you have Love by your side. Attractiveness walks out of the door so fast, it leaves you gasping for breath.

So, what is chemistry? It is exactly what the name means. It is about chemicals or more precisely hormones. It is that wave of joy and excitement that overwhelms people. It comes fast. It goes away even faster. It is the whole chemistry game that is behind failed marriages (not always, but more often than you can imagine). You find someone with whom you have chemistry and you decide to marry. What you do not account for in this chemical equation are the keys to a long term relationship. The soul of a person, the human side, commitment, loyalty, strength of character, sensitivity, and honesty. None of these make up chemistry. And each of these is what makes a person.

Chemistry is like lip-smacking good fast food. Love is like home cooked full course meal. I do not need to tell you which is healthier or which you can eat for a lifetime.

Most people start from chemistry and end up thinking they are in Love. Rarely the case. When you start from something flimsy, it is only the very fortunate who will truly end up with something as stable as Love. But, if you go the other way round – that is, you first connect with the soul of a person, and when that happens you let chemistry into the picture – then even something like chemistry gets elevated to a higher level.

I am led to believe that even chemistry is of two kinds. The chemistry without reason and the chemistry with reason. The former is utterly dangerous. The latter is healthy. The former blinds you from seeing the true person. The latter encourages you to explore the true person.

… to be continued.

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The Solitary Lover January 4, 2009

Filed under: life,love,photography — gurdas @ :

: Lake Johnson, Raleigh, NC, USA, December-2008

He looked out of the window, his right hand caressing the frame. He had been there all afternoon, a distant look in his eyes, unmindful of the movements and noises that crowded the street. It was difficult to get Nupur out of his thoughts. They had not met for many years, hardly spoke to each other, and yet it seemed as if he knew this woman better than any other woman in his life. Or was this a trick that his mind was playing? Does he really know Nupur or does he know an image of her?

And does it really matter?

Love between them was always unsaid. Like a whisper which never escaped the lips. When she was around, he would become unmindful of the world. Like when he met her at Delhi’s railway station. A crowded, sweaty, cacophonous place. But that he knows from past knowledge. His memory of the meeting held nothing but her image. There are no sounds but those that belong to her. No images beyond her person.

But what about the rendezvous at Barista in Pune? He waited all evening, until his feet could not bear his weight for a moment more, inspite of knowing she will not come. Yet, now the image his mind conjures of that evening includes her. It is frightening how real the dream is.

Yes, that is how it is. She lives in his dreams. And he can continue to love her there.

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Be the light January 2, 2009

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Glowing heart, Malaysia, Sep-2007

New Year Greetings!

This year, may the candle of my heart burn at both ends. It will last less, but while it lasts, let the light spread far.

Fortunate December 31, 2008

Filed under: life,love,Me,philosophy,photography — gurdas @ :

Abandoned Farmhouse, Morrisville, NC, USA, Dec-2008

The winter storm has come to an end. Another day is waiting to start. When the dust settles, I am going to find myself very alone. Some will lose the love they had. Some will find the love they never had.

I will lose the love I never had.

And my solace is in the words of:
Alfred Lord Tennyson : ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
Washington Irving : Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.

And what the heck, I was born a romantic! I am ready to love again. Even if it means losing again.

Fortunate, eh?