Guldasta

Ever so often you find someone equating chemistry (between individuals) as Love or reason to be in Love. Nothing could be further from the truth. To the contrary, this definition makes Love a small frivolous thing, which it is not. Love is the grand pillar which keeps mankind alive. Love is compassion, Love is effort, Love is an unconditional extension of your Self towards another, and Love is selfless. You need chemistry to make love in bed. And chemistry will get you exhilarating moments of happiness. But that is how far it will go. Chemistry will not, and never has, seen a couple beyond a few years. What you need for a lifetime of togetherness is Love.

When two people not just survive together, but thrive together, there is Love in action.

To get the point across, Love is the effort you make to improve someone’s life even when you do not necessarily find them attractive. In other words, those days and moments when your spouse stops being attractive, it is Love which will see you through the storm which could otherwise wreck and sink the marriage.

The whole attractive thing is so flimsy, it is foolish to base your most important decision (who to marry) on that criteria. And familiarity breeds contempt, unless you have Love by your side. Attractiveness walks out of the door so fast, it leaves you gasping for breath.

So, what is chemistry? It is exactly what the name means. It is about chemicals or more precisely hormones. It is that wave of joy and excitement that overwhelms people. It comes fast. It goes away even faster. It is the whole chemistry game that is behind failed marriages (not always, but more often than you can imagine). You find someone with whom you have chemistry and you decide to marry. What you do not account for in this chemical equation are the keys to a long term relationship. The soul of a person, the human side, commitment, loyalty, strength of character, sensitivity, and honesty. None of these make up chemistry. And each of these is what makes a person.

Chemistry is like lip-smacking good fast food. Love is like home cooked full course meal. I do not need to tell you which is healthier or which you can eat for a lifetime.

Most people start from chemistry and end up thinking they are in Love. Rarely the case. When you start from something flimsy, it is only the very fortunate who will truly end up with something as stable as Love. But, if you go the other way round – that is, you first connect with the soul of a person, and when that happens you let chemistry into the picture – then even something like chemistry gets elevated to a higher level.

I am led to believe that even chemistry is of two kinds. The chemistry without reason and the chemistry with reason. The former is utterly dangerous. The latter is healthy. The former blinds you from seeing the true person. The latter encourages you to explore the true person.

… to be continued.